Is this a good story? This was made by my little brother who is nine years old.?

First of all, it is quite long. This is chapter 2 and it's about a mysterious egg that killed somebody so, please read(: Me and Jay were walking back to our bedrooms while Zoe was heading down to Dumbledore’s office. “Where is Zoe?” I asked. “She said that she was going to Dumbledore’s office to tell him about the egg”. “WHAT?!?!” I shouted. “I said, she was heading down to Dumbledore’s office, do you understand?” Said Jay annoyingly. I ran down to catch Zoe it was a long way down to Dumbledore’s office. I stopped running for thirty seconds and saw my father flying in the air waving to me! I opened the window to talk to my father. “I have to go and catch Zoe before she spreads a secret!!” I said to my dad. “You go get her boy!”. I started running again I saw Zoe about to talk to Professor Crescent. “Zoe, come and see this amazing thing!” I said. “Coming, Nathan! I’ll talk to you later Professor Crescent!”. I grabbed Zoe’s hand and toke her to the Library. “What is it? I was in a very important talk!”. I sighed and said to Zoe “Don’t tell anyone about the egg, We’ll tell Dumbledore soon but not right now…”. “ KEEP IT DOWN, IT’S THE LIBRARY YOU KNOW NOW, HUSH!!!” Shouted the library teacher. “Bow chicer wow wow” sang Zoe. “Zoe, did you hear what I said to you?” “HUH?!?” Asked Zoe. “Are you deaf or something?” I said sarcastically. “I heard you I just love that song Bow chicer wow wow Bow chicer wow wow!” Sang Zoe sweetly. My alarm rang for our School Trip and Zoe’s alarm rang also. “We better get going!” Said Jay running down the stairs. Everyone in our class got our wands and we said the magic words: “Lamp teenier toon ba leenie!” We got lifted up to the air and flew to the enchanted forest. Professor McKenna clapped her hands. “IS IT SONG TIME? YAHOOOO!” Shouted Jamie utterly happily. “Don’t be silly, Jamie” Said Professor McKenna “Your not in charge of me J” Said Jamie and laughed. Professor McKenna ignored him. “Okay, so find a partner.” Said Professor McKenna. I was partners with Jay and Zoe was partners with Mathew. “Okay, so you and your partner will go around the enchanted forest and try find anything that is magic or unusual, Understood?” Said Professor McKenna “Yes, we understand.” Said the Primary 4 altogether. “Ready, Set, Go and Find!” said Professor McKenna. Me and Jay went to the trap room. “Hey, We were here first!” Shouted Mari and Ciara. “We were first, don’t lie!” Shouted me and Jay. “Come on Ciara, Let’s go to the bug room.” Said Mari. Me and Jay smiled and looked around the trap room. The wall fell on top of us. “Help me, My leg is stuck!” Shouted Jay. I wriggled out the wood that was on top of me and and pulled Jay out of the wood that was on top of him. “Are you okay” I asked Jay. “I’m fine now that you helped me!” Said Jay. We wrote down on our piece of paper: Falling Wall in trap room. Next we saw a green bug with no legs and was floating around the air which was saying: “Mwuahahaha You can’t escape!” Me and Jay ran out of the trap room quickly and wrote down green bug with no legs, which that can talk and float in air in the trap room. 27 minutes after we got out of the Trap Room I remembered that there was a secret tree that only I knew about, “Follow me, I know where a secret tree is.” I whispered to Jay. Jay followed me and I said: “Ten two five sex seven open the door of ten six seven!” And the tree opened. Jay shut the door of the tree and I said “Open the door on the floor down there, whilst I get the secret torch and figure out the teleport spell.” “Okay,” said Jay. I got the torch and found the 9 words of the teleport spell. I said the teleport spell before we went down the stairs to underground. We saw many magical things. We wrote down them all down and we heard Professor McKenna saying, “Come back now children!”. Jay tried to open the door but it didn’t open. “The door! Its not opening” said Jay and you could see that he was very scared. “Don’t worry I said, that’s why I put the teleport spell on us”. Then we teleported back to the teacher, we were first back so Professor McKenna read our written work first. “You know about the secret tree,” Said Professor McKenna. “ I do so!” I said. “Oh goody, a secret tree! Can we go see it?” Said Cameron. “No, you have to figure it out by yourself. Everybody put on sad faces expect Me and Jay. We went back into Hogwarts school. Me, Zoe, Jay, Jamie, Mari, Cameron, Ciara, Jenna, Tia, David and Ewan all went to my bedroom. “Okay, so all of you want a hint where the secret tree is? Okay then” Me and Jay said. I got a mini-chalkboard and wrote on it: The secret tree is near the center of the enchanted forest, it is similar to tree number 6876 and 23. If you want to open the tree and think it is that tree you have to say the magic words which are: Ten two five sex seven open the door of ten six seven! If the tree doesn’t have a creaky sound coming from it then that means it is the wrong tree. “Okay, everybody read the chalk-board” Jay